Who’s excited for the Stanley Cup Finals? I AM!!!! We’re back to two teams, and boy do they look familiar. The Florida Men, who have the usual crew of rats like Matthew Tkachuk and Sam Bennett looking to accrue back to back Cups plus new addition and insta-Rat Brad Marchand, face the Edmonton Oilers — who go by the moniker McDraisaitl — a conjugation of best-player-on-the-planet Conor McDavid and his “Thank you God for putting me with McDavid” linemate, Leon Draisaitl. Plus some other guys. But before we drop the puck on this year’s NHL’s grand finale rematch, let’s give the past two months of baseball its due.
Rocky Mountain LOW
Remember how I posted last year about how bad the White Sox were? The Colorado Rockies saw their cellar suck and must have thought “anything you can do we can do better!” Sporting an 11-51 record, the Rockies are not only dead last in their division, but also in the league, the planet Earth, and probably the universe. To help settle the trade imbalance, all three levels of the Japanese baseball leagues and the Korean Baseball League have asked the Rockies to transfer. Their team ERA is second worst to the Oakland Athletics, which is saying something considering the A’s play in a field the size of a Little League stadium. No pitcher on the Rockies has an ERA below 4. The offensive side is no better with a team batting average of .219. Slightly above the Mendoza line, AS A TEAM! They have a negative 185 run differential (runs scored versus given up). You could say the Rockies started slowly. Like the Galapagos tortoise slowly. It took them two months and a lucky calendar match-up with their fellow cellar dweller, the Miami Marlins, to notch their tenth win.
Congrats, Rockies. You might just be more pathetic than the WHITE SOX! Nothing about being the worst ever has improved the White Sox’s front office and yet they might still have a slightly better future than the Rockies. That’s saying something.
Obviously, Rockies manager Bud Black got fired for this pathetic display in May, but he is not the problem. The true scapegoats are GM Bill Schmidt and owner Charlie Manfort. They have made such head scratching decisions with players. In 2021, they also got rid of franchise cornerstone Nolan Arenado, who has continued his excellent performance in St. Louis. For a replacement, they overpaid an aging Kris Bryant to the tune of a seven year 182 million dollar deal. He has played in only 11 games this year and in 37 games the year before due to injuries such as a degenerative back issue (which makes sense given his age)., Schmidt and Manfort have no one to blame but themselves for the state of their team.
How About the Phightins?
The Phightins fired on all cylinders to end April and start May, winning multiple series. They won three straight series against the Rockies, Athletics and Braves. They swept the Mets in April!! OMG, more like UH OH METS!! Granted the Rockies are setting new lows for trash franchises, but you have to beat the teams you’re facing. While the Phillies did not get to the scorching start they had last season, sitting in first place in the NL East isn’t half bad.
Philadelphia sports teams love breaking their team’s hearts. Joe Carter’s series clinching home run against Mitch Williams in the 1993 World Series, Ryan Howard’s injury, letting the Diamondbacks walk them off in Games 5 and 6 of the 2023 NLCS come to my mind when thinking about the Phillies. Reliever Jose Alvarado and Bryce Harper followed in those footsteps. Alvarado failed a routine drug test and got suspended for 80 games. Like with Jurickson Profar, Alvarado has thus made himself ineligible for the postseason roster, which will hurt the bullpen.
Then during the Braves series, Spencer Strider hit Harper on the wrist, where he has had multiple surgeries. While he came back when the Phillies faced the Blue Jays, Harper complained of continued wrist soreness and got placed on the IL. The Phillies honored the heartbreak on the field by losing three consecutive series to the Brewers, Blue Jays, and, in frustrating fashion, let their inter-state rival in the Pirates sweep them out of PNC Park. The old bugbears of stranding runners in scoring position and racking up more Ks than I do points at Wawa has reared its ugly head. Jesus Luzardo falling off a cliff in his last two starts by giving up 12 runs to the Brewers and 8 to the Blue Jays also does not help.
Something has to change or else this core will go into the record books as a failure. I loved the past few playoff runs (except 2024) but I would like to see my team win a World Series, because I was barely conscious the last time that happened. We need a reliever and we need players not named Trea Turner or Kyle Schwarber to step up. Either that or we pull a move from the Philadelphia Flyers and fire a coach midseason. Dombrowski can spin a wheel of coach names and pick which one he wants to give the axe to.
Meanwhile on the South Side: Announcers Jinx Edition and Who is PCA and Why is He Raking?
While previewing their upcoming series with the White Sox, who had just lost a series to the Cleveland Guardians, Red Sox announcers Dave O Brien and Will Middlebrooks could barely contain their glee for beating their pale socked rivals. While Middlebrooks said that “The trip to Chicago could be coming at the perfect time.” O’Brien said “The White Sox invent ways to lose games”. (Michael Dixon) While that statement is true for the White Sox, the Red Sox chose to find ways to lose a series they should have won. In other words, they found a way to lose a series to a team they should have swept out of the South Side. O’Brien and Middlebrooks should have learned that you don’t call your shot against an opponent before you play them. I mean, there’s videos of fans chanting that they want an opponent only to instantly regret chanting their name. More regret in a disappointing season for the Red Sox.
Who expected second year player Pete Crow-Armstrong to break out the way he did? I didn’t! He first hooked me in with the amazing surname, then he put in the hard work to back up his surname. He has a healthy .276 batting average and is second in the league with 21 stolen bases. Crow-Armstrong also has a 1,000 fielding percentage and has yet to make an error this season. And to top it all off for a fan of the Mets’ division rival, the Mets traded him to the Cubs’ farm system in 2023. Mets fans ought to be a tiny bit peeved about his success outside of the Big Apple. Then again, they did get the biggest free agent in Juan Soto, kept their franchise cornerstone in Pete Alonso this past offseason, and are currently in first place in the NL East, so they shouldn’t be too upset.
Gritty Tigs? More Like Winnin’ Tigs!
After the Tigers improbable run last season to secure a postseason berth (which included not only beating the Astros but taking the Guardians to the brink), one would think that they might regress to the middling to cellar dweller mean they were for the previous decade. Instead, they. are of three teams to secure 40 wins this season and the only one in the American League to reach that mark. A lot of credit has to go to their pitching. Tarik Skubal is the ace of the rotation with a 2.16 ERA. Jack Flaherty, Reese Olson and Casey Mize have also been great with the Tigers as well. But the true surprise has been Javy Baez reviving his career with the Tigers, turning his batting average from a measly .184 to a robust .270. Oh and Spencer Torkelson hitting eponymous Tork bombs with consistency. May the Tigers rule the AL Central for years to come.
Jackie Robinson Day and the Erasure of DEI
A dictum from Timothy Snyder’s On Tyranny I’ve heard around the Internet is “Do not comply in advance”. MLB did not hear that and chose to comply with the erasure of DEI programs in advance. On Jackie Robinson Day, MLB released a statement as they normally do. Instead of mentioning why Jackie Robinson Day exists–to honor the first Black player to play in baseball–they chose not to mention it at all. The closest reference to why Jackie Robinson Day exists came at the end of the statement: “Robinson played his first Major League game in Ebbetts Field.” (MLB) In an administration that plans to erase DEI programs, a statement like this worries me, and should worry anyone who’s concerned about accurately representing the US’s history.
Cardiac Snakes
Boy oh boy, do the Diamondbacks love giving their fans increased blood pressure and near-heart attacks. When a rival fan squirms upon seeing the ways you either comeback or blow spectacular leads, you know you have something special, and by special I mean heart-palpating. Maybe I should know better from watching you walk off the Phillies in back-to-back NLCS games, but I guess I let the memory of that postseason collapse fall by the wayside when the Mets beat the Phillies.
Here are a few of the many examples of why DBacks fans' heart rates increase when they either fall behind or go ahead in a game. In a May 9th game against the Dodgers, the boys in blue jumped to a 8-3 lead. But then the Dodgers allowed the Diamondbacks to come back and lead the game 11-8. But the Dodgers have a too stellar lineup to lose to the Diamondbacks and rallied back to win the game 14-11.
Then, against the Braves on June 5th, the Diamondbacks not only came back, they were able to hold the lead and win. Given a 0.1% chance to win in the top of the ninth, as they trailed the Braves 10-4, the Diamondbacks defeated the odds and scored seven runs in the ninth to win 11-10.
They kept the heart attack inducing energy on June 9th against the Mariners. While the Mariners ended up coming back to tie the game, but unlike other examples, the DBacks won on a walk off grand slam. DBacks fans don’t know which team they will see: will the snakes die in the ninth inning or revive to keep pace in a competitive NL West division?
Also you can vote in Phase One of Allstar ballots by clicking on the link here. I’ll be voting for my Phightins but I’m sure you already knew that. It’ll be the All-Star break before you know it!
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